Fading Sun
by Chibi Neko-Chan2
Summary: Jacob's Funeral. Bella's P.O.V. 'My mind wasn't ready to face my best friend's death, but in my heart- I knew I needed the closure.' Slight Blackwater. I would appreciate the reviews.


Aw. Of course I don't want to kill off my favorite character but I thought this would make a really great angst story. Enjoy and please review.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Twilight characters or anything incorporated with Twilight… If I did, Renesmee and Jacob sure as heck would have never happened. Blackwater all the way!

Fading Sun

By: Chibi Neko-Chan2

"Talking"

_Thoughts_

**Emphasis**

This story is in Bella's Point Of View (Something new for me!)

Pre-Breaking Dawn.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I gazed blankly out of the silver Volvo as the cold rain made trails of tears down the window.

_This __**wasn't **__happening._

My sweaty, pale hand grasped the passenger door's handle as my breath hitched. I was itching to throw my body outside the car and onto the hard pavement. I didn't want to face this. I _**couldn'**_t face this.

_Jacob. Is. __**Dead**__._

Each word was raw and each one left a repugnant taste in my mouth. Each word smacked me into realization as they smothered me at the exact same time. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping I could wake myself out of this nightmare.

_**My**_ _Jacob is dead._

I couldn't help the cry that escaped out of my lips as my sweaty hand let go of the car handle and latched onto my perfect hair. Alice had worked on my presence all morning and I was about to ruin her masterpiece in a matter of seconds. Why did it matter anyway? I was about to see my best friend for the last time, but he wasn't going to see me.

_Jacob would never see me again._

I felt a cold, reassuring hand on my shoulder but I didn't dare to look up at Edward. I knew it was hurting him to see me as such a wreck, hurting him to see me in such pain. Although Edward and Jacob had never gotten close, I knew that Edward felt terrible about the situation. He appreciated Jacob for putting me back together when he had left me, for being my sun in my darkened days. My sun that would never shine again.

_Oh __**God**_. I couldn't do this. My legs were trembling, my hands were shaking, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

If couldn't control myself now, how in the world would I control myself in front of his **casket**?

"Do you want me to come in with you?" I heard Edward's velvet voice ask. That was one reason why I loved Edward so much. He would put himself in the most unwanted situations just to make sure I was alright. And as tempted as I was to say yes and to let Edward hold my hand through this, I knew deep down I had to refuse. I had to do this myself. I couldn't put Edward through any more pain than I already was, and I was pretty positive Jacob's family and pack would not appreciate a vampire at Jacob's funeral.

They were hardly fans of me attending.

Besides, I wasn't brave enough to tell Edward that the only reason he was allowed to cross the border line without breaking the treaty was to drop me off. He hadn't been invited.

I shook my head at Edward's question, that is after I let go of my hair, and I gathered the courage to stare at Edward's god-like face, "That's alright," I tried to laugh but it came out more of a sob as I told my joke, "I'm a big girl."

_Yeah. __**Right.**_

Edward's hand left my shoulder and found my shaking left hand. Hot tears started to brim around my lower eyelids, and I wasn't sure why the picture of Jacob appeared in my mind at Edward's tenderness.

"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered, his sweet breath brushing my face. It was the simplest saying, but the most reassuring and most _**needed **_one at the moment. I managed to choke out an 'I love you too' and I fixed myself up before I opened the car door. I opened the black umbrella and immediately put it above my head as I stepped out of the silver Volvo.

I gave Edward a wobbly smile and he reminded me to call him when I was ready to go, no matter how late or early that would be. I watched Edward drive away until I couldn't see his car anymore, and then turned around.

One glance at the funeral home and my hand was fumbling with the clasp of the fancy, black purse in order to get my cell phone.

"Hey Bella," a warm voice greeted me and my head shot to the side to see a board chest covered in a black suit. My eyebrows pulled together in confusion as the voice chuckled.

"Up here."

I tilted my head up to see Seth beaming with a bright smile on his face. He was also holding a black umbrella, but his shaded features did not dim his smile in the slightest. Seth always had the talent of making the best out of the most terrible situations. I placed a look of mock horror on my face as I took him in.

"You've grown…_**again**_!" I accused. Seth nodded and a look of indifference crossed his face.

"Yep. Mom's going to kill me sooner or later for making her buy me jeans every other day. I either grow out of them or I rip the good ones while transforming," Seth shuddered at the thought of his mom mad at him and then let his dark eyes reach mine, "You ready to face this?"

"No," I answered honestly, but started walking with him, "I never will be."

"It's hard for everyone," Seth replied, shaking his umbrella dry and closing it once we were under the funeral home's archway, "We're all dealing with Jake's death, but it's much harder for some others- like you. My sister, surprisingly to everyone, has really taken to it heart and as a result, she is figuratively ripping people to sheds if they even speak a word to her. So take my advice and just stay clear of Leah Clearwater."

Trust me, Seth didn't have to tell me twice. I knew how hostile and violent Leah could become if you made her upset and I wanted to avoid that as much as possible. I was here for Jacob, and I would respect everyone that meant something to him. I already knew that I was on the top of Leah's 'who I **literally** want to rip to shreds list' anyway, and I valued my life as well.

Though that was impossible for everyone here to believe, since I would willingly be 'giving it away' to Edward in a couple of months.

I walked into the room where Jacob's eulogy would be taking place and the room grew quiet. I rubbed my right arm self-consciously as I refused to look at the glaring eyes of the owner in the very back right row. I decided to sit in the empty, second left row and as much as I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling of Leah's glare.

Billy Black sat straight up in his wheelchair in the front right row. Billy was a strong man, but I understood the reason why he was unable to give his beloved son's eulogy. I felt a piece of my heart rip as I watched a lone tear escape one of his dark eyes. He quickly wiped the tear from his tan cheek, but he was unable to hide his true sadness.

So instead of Billy giving Jacob's eulogy, Sam did instead. I knew this made Leah very unhappy, and the glare I felt on the back of my neck deepened.

"Jacob was more than a close friend, he was a brother…" Sam's voice announced to the audience. Sam was dressed properly for the occasion, he wore a simple, dark gray suit and his hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. His girlfriend and imprint, Emily, sat in the front row next to Billy. One hand was dabbing her wet check with a red handkerchief and the other was pressed against Billy's arm. Billy wrapped his fingers around Emily's hand and he gave her a comforting squeeze.

Sam's eulogy was very impressive and brought almost everyone in the audience to tears. These exceptions included Embry who had a solemn look on his face and Leah, who I managed to sneak a look at. Her flawless face was completely blank and it might have looked like she was the one who belonged in the casket if her eyes weren't so filled with emotion. She could control her tears but she was unable to hide the tide of emotions in her eyes. Anger, Sadness, Regret…

I wrapped my arms around me in order to control myself as Sam started to finish his speech. My body was rocking with sobs to the point that I was afraid that someone might think I was having a seizure. I could hear Quil's imprint, Claire, crying as she fought in his strong arms. Quil was trying his best to comfort the three year old, telling her that Jacob was now an angel and that he was in a better place. Claire didn't understand why chicken noodle soup couldn't help Jacob and she kept whispering, 'why Jakey? Why no help Jakey?'

I turned; trying to concentrate on Sam's touching words again, but his words only produced more uncontrolled sobs and shaking. The memory of Jacob hurt too much.

I knew Jacob didn't want us to be or feel like this at his funeral. If he would have known he was about to die, he would have told us to celebrate in some kind of crazy or wild manner. He would have said that tears weren't allowed and that a bonfire would be held immediately that night to recall funny jokes or precious memoires.

I blinked my tears away when a line started to transform to view Jacob's body and to say goodbye to him for the final time. Billy Black was already at the casket and his hand was touching his son's arm. Billy decided to now let his silent tears roam freely down his cheeks as he slowly shook his head side to side, wanting to deny his treasured son's death. Rachel was on his right side and Rebecca was on his left. Each daughter had one long arm draped around their father's shoulders and the trio hugged each other, mourning the death of their beloved family member.

I stayed where I was, waiting for everyone to leave before I went to go view my best friend. I gave my deepest sympathies to the Blacks, Sue and Seth (Leah was still sitting down in her seat as well), and anyone else who came up to say hello. It was hard to do, hard to take in each broken-hearted face that passed by.

Eventually the parade of sorrowful faces left the building and the church grew empty with silence. Leah was still sitting in her seat as I moved to see my Jacob in his casket. Before closing the gap between the casket and I, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. In my mind I still was uncertain if I was ready to face my best friend's death, but in my heart I knew I needed the closure. With my eyes still closed, I took the closing step toward the casket and then proceeded to open my eyes.

Jacob. Jacob.

I brought a cold hand to my lips as I peered down at my best friend's body.

_**Jacob.**_

"Until your heart stops beating Bella, I'll be here fighting…" I whispered quietly down to Jacob, an anguish look taking over my face as my lip started trembling, "What happened to that, Jake? My heart's still beating but you're not here fighting, Jacob. Where are you, Jacob? Hm? You're not here. You left. Why? Why did you sacrifice yourself like that?" my voice broke out into a cry and I couldn't carry on anymore. My legs were wobbling and I was sure I would fall onto my knees in a matter of moments.

I didn't even care that Leah was there, watching me talk to Jacob who wouldn't respond to my questions. Whose caring voice I would never hear again and whose warmth I would never feel again. I gently brushed my fingertips along his cheek and he felt cool- not cold like Edward, but not warm like Leah.

"Oh Jacob…" I leaned in the casket and pressed my forehead against his. My fingers gently brushed his midnight black hair as I pressed a kiss against his cheek. As soon as I did this action, I heard a growl from behind me. Something incoherent filled my ears and I immediately stood up straight. My hand was still placed on top of Jacob's hand when I turned to see Leah glaring at me.

"W-What?"

"I said don't touch him," Leah repeated. Confused, I didn't give much thought to my hand that was still touching Jacob and only continued to stare at the beautiful, tan female. Leah's eyes narrowed as she placed her hot hand on top of my arm and threw it back, away from Jacob. I blinked, letting my hand dangle at my side as she placed her hands on her hips.

"You fucking _**murderer**_."

I wasn't brave enough to remind Leah that I wasn't the one he jumped in front of to save. Leah, however, must have read my accusing facial expression because she continued.

"I know what you're thinking, Swann. Jacob might have saved my life, but the situation would have _**never **_happened if _**you**_never happened. You were the reason why we were fighting, so all the blame belongs to you and not _**me**_. You killed Jacob, not _**me. **_So stop acting so damn innocent and fucking own up. You killed your best friend and you're the reason that Jacob is in that casket, not _**me.**_ So keep your damn hands off him."

I could see that Leah didn't believe one word she said. She was saying the words to make herself feel better, to make herself not feel guilty for one minute. Nevertheless, her words stung and made me view the situation in a new light like she wanted.

Leah might not have believed one word she was saying, but I did.

"You're right," I validated, turning to Jacob and feeling like my heart had just been wrenched out of my chest, "I killed Jacob."

Leah didn't say anything. She only uncrossed her arms as she walked up to my best friend. Her eyes were filled of regret and grief, and she turned her head to the side to hide her trembling lips from Jacob and from me.

I understood that Leah needed her alone time with him. Biting my lip and nodding to myself, I dared myself to stand right next to Leah so I could look down at Jacob. My pale hands gripped the edges of the cherry casket as I stared down at my best friend.

"I love you Jacob. I always did and I always will. I'm so-" I paused, controlling the sob that so badly wanted to escape, "I'm sorry for doing this to you. You deserved _**so much more**_ than this. I deserve to be in that casket, not you."

Leah allowed me to touch Jacob's hand as my tears hit his arm, "You'll always be my sun Jake, I promise you that."

I then let go of Jacob and took one last look at the young man I made mud pies with when I was five years old. When I had my fill of Jacob, I turned away from the casket and started to amble towards the exit. When I reached the door, I turned to look over my shoulder to see Leah standing where I just was, now much closer to Jacob than she had been.

Outside, I stood against the wall of the church's entrance. I opened my designer purse that Alice had given me and grabbed my phone. I pressed number two on my speed dial and Edward's voice instantly greeted me after the first ring.

"Bella, my love. How are you?" Edward asked.

"I'm breathing," I answered, trying to come up with a truthful statement. Edward told me he was already on his way and when my breathing caught, Edward's voice turned alarmed. He asked me what was wrong and I heard his foot slam on the accelerator.

"She's…._**crying**_," I cried into the phone, my own sobs taking over my body as Edward asked me repeatedly who was crying.

"Who's crying Bella? …Sweetheart?" Edward pressed on when I only continued to cry, "Who's crying Bella? Answer me Bella, please."

"…_**Leah**_," I answered, starting to cry harder when I heard her cries increase as well. Although my cries were the primary things I heard, I could hear her blaming herself for Jacob's death and damning herself for letting this happen to him.

Edward's silver Volvo flew into the parking lot of the funeral home. I hurried to his car, not wanting him to get out and to distract Leah's moment with Jacob. I climbed in the car and told Edward to drive. Edward nodded, one hand tenderly running through my hair as the other one controlled the steering wheel.

I turned to stare out the window; my crying ceasing although I knew that Leah's crying was far from doing so. My eyes met the fading sun as day started to turn into night. My thoughts immediately turned to Jacob when I looked at the sun and I again thought of Leah, who was still in front of Jacob's casket crying her heart out.

And I knew that Leah wanted to be in that casket much more than I did.

~~~~ END

I hope I touched you guys in some way or another. I'm so sorry for making Leah so heartless when she first appeared, but can you really blame her? Anyway I hope you enjoyed this (though I can believe that would be really hard to do) and I would very much appreciate it if you left your thoughts in a review.

Thank you.

`~Chibi Neko-Chan2


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